How about we do a good job with the first planet we have before moving on to a new one?
In a state of absolute obliviousness, NASA recently announced their scientists had successfully grown plants in soil from the moon, even though the Earth is literally right there and not doing so well.
When asked about the breakthrough, the Earth replied, “Oh, REALLY???”
The Moon said, “It’s true that NASA’s reputation has never included an aptitude to read the room. Remember when they suggested sending a woman to space on a weeklong trip with 100 tampons? And then they did it? Anyway, I didn’t ask for this. I want that to be very clear– I did not ask those scientists to take my soil and grow stupid little plants on it, and I have every intention of killing those plants the second they come back here.”
NASA scientists said, “This discovery holds so much promise for the future,” as if the Amazon is not being destroyed at this very moment. The Earth is right there, in need of both scientists and plants, but sure, let’s spend all our time and energy and taxes trying to grow plants for the moon.
“Honestly, this is just like men,” said the Earth. “You know that meme where the guy is checking out the girl walking by and the girl he’s with is like, hello??? I’m living it, and it sucks so bad.”
“The Moon is on my side, by the way,” the Earth continues. “Everyone always seems to forget that. It’s not a planet, it’s MY moon. We are in eternal cahoots. And we have an agreement that as soon as NASA shows up there again, they will be dealt with. Much like the Moon deals with plants.”
