Zack Braff and Florence Pugh’s break up will make a lot more sense when the Scrubs Reboot comes out.
Celebrities have tough decisions to make. What movies to make and for how much; which products to endorse and for how much. But when they want press coverage from relationships, they go to one person. Alexa Cribbage, Hollywood’s ‘matching sage.’
“Our database has lots of celeb info and our proprietary algorithm tells us who to match up for maximum publicity,” Cribbage explained. And feelings don’t enter into it. “Our motto is ‘Likes not love’. It’s all about people talking about you.”
Hollywood couples relationships have a definite shelf life. Cribbage said that smart celebs move on with the times. “Fads come and go, tastes change. Madonna has us on retainer…any day she could call us and ask for a new beau. Adam Levine is heading that way, always moving on to someone new.”
Celebs have a choice of course, and they don’t always agree, but the algorithm never lies. “We matched Kanye West with himself, but he went off with Kim Kardashian. He’s finally come to his senses though.”
We dipped our toe into politics when we paired Donald Trump with Fox news. But we’ve decided to stick with Hollywood.”
Any hopefuls for the future? “I can’t break the confidence of course. But I wouldn’t be surprised if we saw an announcement soon from Helena Bonham Carter and Elmo.”
