First of all, they don’t think that’s a reward, and second of all, your handwriting could never.
Suck-up committee meeting minutes; Chairman Finch presided.
1. Chairman Finch helped onboard our new members by stating the committee’s purpose of ‘regulating the sucking up to founder, owner and person with the power to fire us all without recourse, the ever wonderful, Mr. Jenkins.’ He may be a crotchety old fool, but he controls the purse strings and if you don’t work here at the mill what else are you going to do in this town?
2. A proposal to amend the committee constitution passed. It will now read “workers have the right to bear arms and navels if they really want to stoop that low to get ahead.”
3. Because of staff leaving some responsibilities were changed:
a. Kay retains her post as a small vegetable supplier. Baby carrots are going down well, chickpeas not so much.
b. Kathy has been promoted to ‘surprise Starbucks superintendent.’ She can bring Mr. Jenkins a half double decaffeinated half-caff, with a twist of lemon, without being told to, twice a week maximum.
c. Sandra maintains her position of staple monitor and will cover for Kathy doing post-it supplies until we find a suitable replacement. Kathy reminded us that everyone gets standard yellow, except Mr. Jenkins who likes light green. Karl gets red, the boss hates red. And we hate Karl, he’s such a non-suck up.
4. We then addressed the Mandy situation. Mandy brought in chocolate-covered cinnamon bears without getting committee approval. This is almost certainly the reason Mr. Jenkins picked her to write on the whiteboard. The committee took into account that she didn’t use color markers and ruled that she also has to use red post-its for a period of three months.
