Maggie M. Incorporated is a specialized consultancy with just one client (the owner), and one focus: We help repair damaged customer relationships. Specifically, Maggie M.’s relationships. Even if it wasn’t her that messed it all up. Even if it was Greg’s fault.
No relationship is so ruined it can’t be repaired, Greg. Let Maggie M. guide you to a successful relationship with her.
The ideal candidate for this role is fanatical about Maggie M., even if they don’t realize it. They are good at taking direction. No need to be a team player, you will be hyper-focused on one, very important client. You’ll be obsessive about making her life complete bliss. And you’ll be committed, this time. And, if you know what’s good for you, faithful.
Your duties will include taking me her to the store, making sure she’s okay, and reassuring her you’ll always be there, from now on.
Sample Interview Questions:
- Tell us how you successfully handled meeting an in-law that didn’t think much of you.
- Tell us about a time when you regret quitting an important project or relationship. How did you, or will you, go about repairing it?
Required:
- First name must be Greg, surname must be Stufani. Also answers to ‘snuffy buns.’
- Experience eating at Marie Calendars (the client’s favorite restaurant).
- Be willing to work most nights and weekends (you can have a separate job during the day).
Preferred:
- A better attitude to relationships than you’ve had in the last few years.
- A goodwill donation of a Ninja Mega Kitchen System Blender & Food Processor that you might have in your kitchen that may not have even been yours to take.
Salary:
Really? It’s a privilege to work at Maggie M. Inc. People are lining up for this job Greg. Don’t be a fool. Come back and give it your all. Or I will haunt your every move.
