It’s going to be a wipe out.
President Biden
The so-called ‘Flushed’ Commission gave its long awaited report to President Biden this week. It’s been eight months since the president declared war on the nations number twos, noting that “the amount of time we spend sitting on the porcelain throne costs US companies millions in productivity. Pooping less will bring great gains to the economy, and as for toilet paper…it’s like we can’t live without it, but we can, we are America.”
The commission’s proposed measures to disincentivize toilet paper include: A ‘comfort tax’ on softer papers; capping production of rolls 3-ply and above at 20%; reducing the size of a square to 4×4 inches; and tax rebates for people who use shopping receipts instead.
The measures have a lot of support on Wall Street. One trader noted “There are places in Africa that use leaves, freeing up discretionary income that citizens can use for things like streaming media subscriptions. We should aim for that”.
