If you can pronounce these fake latin-word illnesses confidently, you’re gonna be good to go.
Calidum canis digitos (n) Hot dog fingers
- Example sentence: “I’m sorry, I’m going to have to hop off this call a little earlier than expected. My rare but serious case of calidum canis digitos is acting up again.”
Affectitis (n) Inflammation of feelings
- Example sentence: “My affecitis is flaring up this Friday due to the overcast and rainy weather. Per my condition, I will be taking a sick day to gaze contemplatively out the window and eat peanut-butter pretzels in bed.”
Portio impetum (n) Snack attack
- Example sentence: “I have been diagnosed by a real doctor with portio impendum. Haha, doesn’t it sound like a Harry Potter spell? But it is not. It is a legitimate medical condition, and it is too personal for me to go into any more details about it.”
Osiligath (n) the old capital of Gondor, near the end of the Second Age, founded by Isildur and Anárion
- Example sentence: “Wow, my osiligath is killing me today. What a coincidence that this is happening the same day that my buddies are starting our annual LOTR extended edition marathon. Not that I’ll be going, obviously, due to my osiligath.”
Cramps (n) That’s right, we’re talking menses.
- If all else fails, cramps is your golden ticket to a long weekend Luckily, most bosses would rather give you a full day off of work than hear a single detail more about your personal experience with menstruation. Honestly, we probably should have led with this one. To corporate America, women’s reproductive health will always remain a disgusting, unsolvable mystery. Happy Friday!
