It’s like these monkeys don’t understand or don’t believe in stopping the spread of Monkey Pox.
This week, the World Health Organization released frantic new health guidance on how to control Monkeypox in wake of monkeys’ refusal to wear masks.
“Getting all the monkeys in the world to wear masks was kind of our Plan A, so it’s pretty unfortunate that hasn’t panned out as we had hoped,” admitted head monkey scientist Barbara McGlynn. “We’d keep putting them on, and two seconds later they would be taking them off and slingshotting them across the room. Some of the little monkeys would put them over their eyes and play peekaboo with us, which was absolutely adorable. I mean, really, the cutest thing you’ve ever seen. I have videos on my phone I can show you. But overall, really terrible news for public health.”
“It’s almost like these monkeys don’t understand or don’t believe in stopping the spread of MonkeyPox,” McGlynn continued. “Honestly– and I can say this, because I’m a monkey scientist– they were behaving like a bunch of monkeys.”
The WHO’s new policy abandons the goal of forcing monkeys into masks, and instead advises humans to wear masks in hopes of setting a good example for the monkeys.
“It does make sense. As a species, it seems like it would be pretty easy to get humans to wear masks, considering they’ve repeatedly done it throughout history in periods of widespread disease. So, fingers crossed!” McGlynn said. “Now, the only question is, what are we going to do with the millions of thousands of monkey masks we just ordered?
